this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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