Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
