im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
