dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
So vagazzling was a success
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
