I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
