he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize