I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
