He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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