She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
