my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize