sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
P.S. I can't hear my feet
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize
