Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Your topless pictures make me question reality
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize
