The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
