we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Randomize
