please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
