Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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