I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
