I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
