I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
