Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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