I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
