I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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