is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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