I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
