i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
