Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
