Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
wanna go halves on a baby?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
