how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
