I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
