Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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