Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
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