I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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