I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
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