Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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