Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
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