You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I FOUND THE LEGS
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
