fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
