I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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