I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
