ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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