Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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