But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
