you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
