Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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