It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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