I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize
