Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
