So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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