Are we in a gay sports bar?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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