Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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