it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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