Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
