i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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