I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
