you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
