I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
As shirtless as possible
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
