We're facebook friends in real life
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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