If i come over, it means nothing
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
