Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize