Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
