I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
