I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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