i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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