oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
