first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
