I want to make a zoo with you.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize