It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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