When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize