I didn't shave. On purpose
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
