This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
