I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
