even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
