Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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