So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
