I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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