North Korea, Best Korea!
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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