it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
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