my vag is so smooth its legendary
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
