she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize