Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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