considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
