Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
i out mim tonsoeep
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