i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
