ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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