You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize