Cold hands, warm shart.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
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