I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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