He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
